so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
