You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
