The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
