Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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