Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I party with great urgency now.
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