I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
