Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
