Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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