I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
