you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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