Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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