I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How's work?
Spinning.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
