I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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