Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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