Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
