I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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