she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
