We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
