she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
