I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
