I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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