you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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