i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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