He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
