Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
