I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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