Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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