last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
