what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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