You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
