I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
