I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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