i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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