That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
