I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
