I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
