I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
