Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
