Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
