I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
