so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
