i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
