Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
