very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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