I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
