I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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