Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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