Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
