Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
