Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
