ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
